Living with your elderly relative: Financial and physical considerations
If you have an elderly relative who may be unable to look after themselves without assistance, you may decide to take them into your home or live with them in their own home. If so, there will be a number of financial and physical considerations to take into account. Here our expert carers share some of the most important factors to consider.
Are you worried about an elderly loved one?
Watching someone you care about struggle as they age can be unsettling and distressing. It’s natural to feel a range of emotions—concern, fear, and even reluctance to acknowledge the changes that come with growing older. However, one of the most supportive things you can do is to have an open and honest conversation with your loved one about your concerns.
Start the conversation early
It’s often helpful to initiate these conversations before any serious issues arise. Approach the topic gently, sharing your observations and asking how they’re feeling about their changing needs. This will give them the chance to express their own thoughts and preferences, helping you both understand what support might be necessary in the future.
Acknowledge emotions
Talking about ageing can bring up strong emotions—for you and for them. They may feel vulnerable, frustrated, or even fearful about losing their independence, while you may feel anxious about what lies ahead. It’s important to acknowledge these emotions, remain patient, and listen to their concerns without judgement.
Look for signs of struggle
While some people are open about their needs, others may not realise they need help or may be hesitant to ask. Look for signs that they might be struggling—such as difficulty with daily tasks, forgetting things more often, or changes in mood or behaviour. These can be early indicators that they may need additional support, whether it’s with physical tasks or managing their health.
Involve the whole family
If you’re part of a wider family or support network, involve others in these conversations to ensure everyone is on the same page. This can help share the responsibility and make sure your loved one feels supported by more than just one person. A collaborative approach also ensures that decisions are made with everyone’s input, including the person you’re worried about.
Seek professional advice
If you’re unsure about how to approach the conversation or what kind of help your loved one might need, consider seeking advice from healthcare professionals, social workers, or support organisations. They can guide you through the process and provide valuable insights into what options are available, whether it’s home care, medical assessments, or residential care.
Having these conversations may not be easy, but they’re essential to ensure that your elderly loved one receives the care and support they need to maintain their quality of life. Remember, the goal is to work together, making decisions that respect their wishes while ensuring their well-being.
Sharing your home: Things to consider
Welcoming an elderly relative into your home is a significant decision that requires careful planning and open communication. Here are a few important factors to consider when making this transition to ensure it is a positive and sustainable arrangement for both you and your loved one.
General costs: decide who will pay for what
If you decide to take your elderly relative into your home, you should decide who is going to pay for what. There will be extra expenses for food, clothing, transport, bills and more, and this could put a burden on your own budget. You will have to decide together who is going to pay for what.
For example, you may want to split the costs, or your relative may want to make a regular contribution or take care of some of the bills on their own. What you decide upon is up to you, but just make sure it is something you discuss.
The emotional impact
Sharing your home with an elderly relative can also have an emotional impact on everyone involved. It can be a big adjustment for both the caregiver and the elderly person as routines, personal space, and dynamics shift. Patience, clear communication, and setting boundaries are key to ensuring that everyone’s needs are met. Consider setting up a regular check-in to discuss how things are going, and don’t hesitate to seek outside support if either of you are struggling with the emotional demands of the new living arrangement.
Adaptations to your home
You may have to adapt to your own home (or their home if you move in with them), especially if they are having difficulty getting around, bathing and cooking. There are devices that can help, including stair lifts, grab bars and various other mobility aids. However, some of these could involve a large investment. Carry out an assessment of your home and work out what you need and how much you can afford.
Getting financial support
Caring for an elderly relative can come with financial pressures, but there may be financial support available to ease the burden. One option is to apply for a carer’s assessment through your local council. This will evaluate the type of care and support you need, and it can also provide recommendations for local resources or financial assistance.
If you are providing care for 35 hours a week or more, you may be eligible for Carer’s Allowance, which can help offset some of the costs involved in being a full-time caregiver. Additionally, it’s worth exploring other benefits your relative may be entitled to, such as Attendance Allowance, which can be used to pay for extra help and care.
Maintaining independence and privacy
While living together can strengthen family bonds, it’s equally important to maintain a sense of independence and privacy for everyone involved. You may need to create boundaries or set up dedicated spaces in the home where both you and your relative can enjoy personal time. Whether it’s a quiet corner for reading or a private room for your loved one, having a space of their own can help them feel more comfortable and reduce potential friction.
Other options to consider
While living together can be a rewarding solution for families, it’s important to consider alternative options that may better suit the needs of both you and your elderly parent. Depending on their level of independence and the kind of support they require, there are several different living arrangements that might be more practical or comfortable. Below are some of the options available:
Assisted living communities
Assisted living communities offer a combination of housing, personal care, and support services tailored to older adults who need some help with daily activities but still want to maintain a level of independence. These communities provide residents with private or shared accommodation, meals, housekeeping, and assistance with personal care, as well as social and recreational activities. This option can be ideal for those who don’t need round-the-clock medical care but still require a supportive environment.
Sheltered or retirement housing
Sheltered or retirement housing is another option for elderly people who can live independently but would benefit from having a little extra support. These housing schemes typically include a warden or on-site manager and emergency alarm systems for peace of mind. It’s a great choice for those who value independence but want the security of knowing help is available if needed. Sheltered housing is available to rent or buy through local councils, housing associations, or private developers.
Care homes
For those with more complex health or mobility needs, a care home may be the most suitable option. Care homes provide personal care, meals, and support with daily activities such as medication management and bathing. Some care homes also offer nursing care or specialised dementia care. The decision to move into a care home can be a difficult one, but it’s often necessary when full-time care is required.
Home care services
If your elderly parent prefers to stay in their own home but requires assistance, home care services could be the perfect solution. Professional carers can visit as often as needed, providing help with personal care, household chores, or medical support. This allows your parent to remain in familiar surroundings while receiving the care they need.
Shared living arrangements
Another option is shared living, where an elderly parent may live with a friend or another relative. This can provide both companionship and support, ensuring that your loved one is not living alone and can benefit from the help of someone else. This can also alleviate some of the financial or caregiving burdens that might come with living together as an immediate family.
In every situation, it’s important to assess both your elderly parent’s needs and your own capacity to support them. Speaking to a healthcare professional or social services can help you make an informed decision about which option is the most suitable.
How to start the conversation
Initiating a conversation about an elderly loved one’s changing needs can feel daunting, but it’s a crucial step toward ensuring their well-being. Here are some tips on how to approach this sensitive topic in a way that fosters openness and trust.
Choose the right moment
Timing is everything when starting a difficult conversation. Look for a moment when your loved one is calm, comfortable, and not preoccupied with other concerns. Avoid rushing into the conversation during stressful situations or family gatherings, as these can lead to defensiveness or feelings of being overwhelmed.
Be gentle and respectful
It’s important to approach the conversation with sensitivity. Start by expressing your care and concern rather than jumping straight into solutions. You could begin with phrases like, “I’ve noticed a few things that I wanted to talk to you about,” or, “I’ve been thinking about how I can help support you as things change.” This can set a non-confrontational tone and encourage them to share their thoughts.
Listen to their perspective
Give your loved one the opportunity to express how they feel about their current situation. They may not see the same issues that you do, or they may have concerns you hadn’t considered. By listening carefully, you show that their views and feelings are central to the conversation, which can build trust and cooperation.
Focus on their needs and wishes
Frame the conversation around your desire to support their needs and respect their wishes. Instead of focusing solely on what might be going wrong, ask them what would make their day-to-day life easier or what they envision for their future care. This can help guide the conversation toward practical solutions while keeping their autonomy at the forefront.
Use real-life examples
If you’ve noticed specific things that concern you—such as missed medications, difficulty with household tasks, or recent falls—bring them up gently. Using concrete examples can help illustrate why you’re worried, making it easier for them to understand your perspective without feeling judged.
Offer to explore options together
Rather than presenting solutions right away, suggest exploring different options together. Whether it’s discussing home care services, safety adjustments around the house, or potential living arrangements, frame it as a collaborative process where they have a say in what happens next.
Be patient and prepared for resistance
Understand that this may be a difficult conversation for your loved one, and they may not be ready to make changes immediately. They might feel a sense of loss or anxiety about their independence. Be patient, give them time to process, and be ready to revisit the conversation in the future if necessary.
Do you want professional assistance?
If you’re a part-time or full-time carer, it’s important to take time for yourself without compromising the quality of care your loved one receives. You don’t necessarily need full-time help—sometimes, just a few hours of respite each week can make all the difference, allowing you to recharge and continue providing the best care possible.
At Prestige Nursing & Care, we offer tailored respite care services designed to give you that essential break. Get in touch with us today to explore your options and see how we can support you and your loved one.
Call us on 0808 239 1525 and our friendly care experts will discuss your care and support needs. You can also fill out our online enquiry form or email info@prestige-nursing.co.uk. We provide impartial guidance and advice so you make the right choice for you and your family.
